r/facepalm 2d ago Take My Energy 1

Good morning 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

Post image
75.1k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/PrettyLightzz 1d ago

This reminds me of South Park where Randy was like "Stan, you call your friend an asshole RIGHT NOW"

476

u/Spaghetti_Cartwheels 1d ago

But he was being a silly goose!

157

u/TheDotanuki 1d ago

That's my favorite "insult." I use it often.

245

u/indolent08 1d ago Silver

As a non-native English speaker, the mental image always cracks me up. It's a goose. And it's being silly. Excellent.

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u/joesbagofdonuts 1d ago

I've just gained a new appreciation for this phrase lmao

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u/otteregg 1d ago

One of my favourite insults for mental imagery is 'bull in a China shop'. I imagine Ferdinand the Bull (from the Disney short) trying to buy a tea set and it never fails to make me smile.

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u/Camelopardestrian 1d ago

Kanye West, gay fish, has a track called “Good Morning”.

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u/rcoolerthan_me 2d ago Silver

Doing laundry with your dad is very gay.

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u/madDarthvader2 1d ago

Oh you have a Dad? Bro that's gay.

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u/Tankus_Vult97 1d ago

Damn, guess I can never be gay then

230

u/HarpoonNPuppies 1d ago

Damn….. F for respect

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u/droppedelbow 1d ago

Only if you're handwashing his undies and he's still wearing them.

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u/Azhurkral 1d ago

Based. If his dad is so worried about gay´ish attitudes, he should know that doing laundry is traditionally considered a woman task, so very gay if a man does it.

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u/getefix 1d ago

Dad is probably gay and scared people will find out

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u/DonnyMagoo 1d ago

Can't be doing laundry AND be saying good morning to other men. People will start to talk..

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u/austinmiles 1d ago

If I saw a 23yr old and a middle-aged man at the laundromat together there’s a real chance I might think they were a couple.

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u/Responsible_Farm1672 2d ago

Showing kindness is gay now lads

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u/ArduennSchwartzman 1d ago

Not just kindness. Hygiene and nutrition too. Three things that turn you gay:

  1. Saying "good morning" to another man.
  2. Wiping your ass after taking a shit.
  3. Drinking Bud Light.

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u/Kzaah 1d ago

And washing your ass in shower 🚿

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u/kilar277 1d ago

This has haunted me since that discourse started.

487

u/UWontAgreeWithMe 1d ago edited 1d ago

I've been so shocked by how many guy friends think they'll suddenly become bred bitch boys by scrubbing their nasty assholes with soap and water. Like removing shit and sweat from their body will awake an insatiable lust to be raw dogged in a gay gangbang.

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u/meSuPaFly 1d ago

You know what's alpha masculine? Diaper rashes

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u/sg12412 1d ago

Yeah wiping your ass is straight as hell, but soaping up between them cheeks? Super fucking gay.

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u/2000000man 1d ago

Dude I just took a shit and was about to wipe

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u/mjkjg2 1d ago Spit-take

I’ll help you out so it’s less gay

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u/timcard1988throw 1d ago

If wiping my ass is gay, then I don't wanna be straight

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u/Atty_for_hire 1d ago

Wait till you try a bidet

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u/BS8686 1d ago

My butt gets soooo wet when im using a bidet...

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u/T-West1 1d ago

Don't forget wearing glasses. The ability to see makes you incredibly gay apparently

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u/Reasonable_Fig_8119 1d ago

Why do you need to see anyway? To look at men?

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u/campbelldt 1d ago

Beer is nutritional now? Word

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u/ima_shill 1d ago

I had a guy confront me for holding the door for him while walking into a gas station. “I don’t play like that you bitch”

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u/Quaranj 1d ago

"I'm sorry, you looked infirm, little man."

Man games have regional flavors.

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u/Pandataraxia 1d ago

-Redditor, before starting a gas station fight.

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u/StillSundayDrunk 1d ago

I had something similar but much less intense - I was at a small gas station in rural TN and there was a group of bikers at the pumps. As I was walking in they had started to walk in behind me and I held the door for them and the first guy (looked like maybe the MC leader based on patches?) stops a few feet away, stares at me through his sunglasses, and just shakes his head "no." So I went in and went about my business but the message I got was that he wasn't going to let any man hold a door for him.

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u/CyberMindGrrl 1d ago

Wow. So-called “tough” guys are so fragile.

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u/tbods 1d ago

Every.time.

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u/evil_con_carne 1d ago edited 1d ago

Weird. I live in a super conservative area in Texas and guys hold the door for each other all the time. Kind of annoying sometimes tbh because I’ll be like 6 feet away and have to power walk to the door so I won’t feel rude for just letting some guy stand there while I take my time

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u/Yes_seriously_now 1d ago

It's ridiculous out here in North AR. Folks, even older women, will hold the door for you when you're about halfway across the lot...

Wasn't planning running in my slides, but lemme go on and sprint this last 50 feet and hope I don't lose a shoe

STG, I will pull in and wave them off from my driver's seat like I'm not gonna come inside for a while, go on and let the door close.

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u/Nzgrim 1d ago

"Sorry, next time I'm slamming the door in your face."

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u/Randompersonomreddit 1d ago

I, a woman, once held a door for a man carrying a baby at a Wawa and he got a little offended.

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u/jaydubbles 1d ago

Top 10 fragile masculinity moment right here.

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u/DPool34 1d ago

Kindness is so woke.

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u/procra5tinating 1d ago

Toxic masculinity is actually insane. So horrible.

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u/ikiss-yomama 1d ago

It’s gay to talk to a man before noon

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u/CollectionStraight2 1d ago

Or in the evening. All male on male social contact must be between the hours of 12pm and 6pm

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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago

Clothing optional.

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u/0rclev 1d ago

I suppose, but only if you are doing manly things, like greco-roman wrestling, wood working, or packing fudge.

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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago

What about polishing knobs?

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u/0rclev 1d ago

Ah a very manly task indeed. Nothing better than sitting on the porch with a manly friend and polishing some knobs after a long day grueling fudge packing. The secret is to spit on it before polishing.

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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago

It's all in the wrist.

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u/Dakzoo 2d ago Helpful hehehehe LOVE! Heartwarming I Shy Beating Heart

No, unless you are laying together in bed spooning as he slowly wakes up after a night of passionate lovemaking.

Then super gay.

4.1k

u/Big_Berry_4589 1d ago

It wouldn’t be gay if you said no homo first… or wore socks

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u/yamanoski 1d ago

Damn forgot the socks

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u/daemon_panda 1d ago

Sorry, you are gay now. I don't make the rules.

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u/dreetz08 1d ago

If I put a bandage on someone that doesn't make me a doctor. But I suck one dick

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u/Desperate-Badger9429 1d ago

The one tip medical school absolutely hate.

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u/MOOShoooooo 1d ago

What if there’s two guys in a car and it crashes. They both get ejected from the car and lose their shoes and socks and land in a position where one of their dicks slide into the others bum.

Now, since there wasn’t any time to claim no homo AND socks came off, would that be a legitimate game of Tummy Sticks?

All theoretical, not specific.

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u/DestructoSpin7 1d ago

both get ejected from the car and lose their shoes

Doesn't matter, they're dead anyway.

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u/TriceratopsBites 1d ago

People are allowed to be both dead and gay

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u/Moogerboo-2therescue 1d ago

Me when necrohomophobia in the Reddit comments 😡

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u/wellnote 1d ago

Wearing socks just makes that the homie sleepover special, nothing gay about it

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u/IdolCowboy 1d ago

It's funny, I said somwth8ng Bout it not being gay if it was so an so to my son (18 at the time) and he rattled off like 10 rules on why it's not gay if... quick.. I was like whoa whoa whoooooa! Let's put pandora back in her box!!!

Lol

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u/Flanman1337 1d ago

That is literally the only thing you can't do with Pandora and her box.

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u/Micheal_Kibitsuji 1d ago

And also as a wise man once said “it’s not gay with the homies”

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u/Drewbeede 1d ago

That might be just regular gay. I believe a cape is needed to be super gay.

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u/mothlord420 1d ago

It’s only gay if you don’t slap each other on the ass and say good game afterwards

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u/HamsterNo7320 1d ago

Not if your balls don't touch. Trust me I'm an expert.

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u/CatConscious6900 1d ago

Kind of a gray area.

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u/RaiShado 1d ago

That sentence should only have 1 'r'

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u/E4EHCO33501007 1d ago

That's right it's a gray aea

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u/RoosterClaw22 1d ago

It's not gay as long as you give the guy a reach around.

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u/Klaus_Reckoning 1d ago

Gay or not, that’s just common courtesy

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u/Its_noon_somewhere 2d ago Gold All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Bravo! Bravo Grande! Table Slap

It’s not gay to say ‘good morning’ to another male, unless you’re cupping his crotch at the time.

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u/mseg09 1d ago

Or if you're rolling over in bed to say it to him. It may be gay then.

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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago

Nah bro that's absurd. It's only gay if your dicks touch. I sleep naked with my homies all the time.

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u/mseg09 1d ago

Ah sorry, enjoy your straight bro sleepovers

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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago

I mean obviously we gotta wash each other in the shower before we go to work but you know. Just guy stuff.

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u/EvaUnit_03 1d ago

DUDE! We told you to keep it on the DL... you lucky you're cute or you wouldn't be included in our 'guys nights' no more.

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u/UbermachoGuy 1d ago

It’s not gay at all to sleep naked with your homies. Head to feet that way dicks never touch.

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u/Mel_in_morphosis 1d ago

But even if your dicks touch, you just say “no homo”and it’s all good. You can also give him a kiss in the neck, just say “respectfully “ first.

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u/CptnBustaNut 1d ago

Respectfully "mwah" mmmm respectfully "mwah"

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u/Langsamkoenig 1d ago

Don't spread these nasty rumours. It's only gay if your balls touch. Frotting is totally hetero, bro.

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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago Take My Energy 'MURICA

I'm so sorry bro you're right. Docking is on the table. You can shlobber on that nobber and gargle your homies nutties, but if you and him play click-clack with your ball sacks, all bets are off.

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u/castlesEP 1d ago

Your comment is poetry

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u/slp0923 1d ago

I thought everything was not gay as long as you kept on your socks or said “no homo.”

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u/AtlaStar 1d ago

With a click clack, paddy whack, give your bro a bone.

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u/58G52A 1d ago Spit-take

“Good morning, mind if I suck your cock?” would be gay

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u/shankster1987 1d ago

It's only gay if you kiss them on the mouth.

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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 1d ago

Well in most cultures, historically at least, it was really only considered gay to receive, not to give.

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u/bon_joby 1d ago Gold hehehehe Heartwarming Wholesome Seal of Approval Table Slap

So then OP is not gay, but the man he said good morning to IS gay. Because he received a good morning from another man.

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u/rorykoehler 1d ago

That's why it's super important to be extra vigilant when out and about just in case you get caught off guard and don't get your good morning in first. A few years ago it happened to me and I caught long gay but I've recovered now.

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u/anotherreditloser 1d ago

Now he wears a shirt that says “Good Morning” when he goes out of the house. Taking no more chances.

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u/Grumpy_Metrosexual 1d ago

There’s the name for my band: Long Gay

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u/ThRvrnd 1d ago

Good morning. GOTCHA AGAIN you little bottom bitch! Everyone knows the gay is worse the second time you catch it.

Circle circle dot dot now I’ve got the homo shot. Vaccine vaccine pill pill, now the gay can’t make me ill.

No erasies.

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u/AsleepJuggernaut2066 1d ago

This made me laugh hard enough to startle my dog! Thanks for the morning laugh!

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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 1d ago

I'm just imagining a bunch of philosophers like this sitting around a room debating which guy would be gay.

Sounds like a great South Park skit

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u/Relevant_Departure40 1d ago

Oh boy do I have news for you

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u/Smackdaddy122 1d ago

The manly Greek empire would never do anything gay

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u/JadedLeafs 1d ago

To be fair, the world has been becoming a south park skit for a few years now.

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u/ExUmbra91x 1d ago

Sounds like a JRE podcast

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u/joetomp1108 1d ago

Cool! Good morning! (Did I turn you gay just now?)

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u/bon_joby 1d ago

Damn, you really got me ... My GF is not gonna be happy about this

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u/Dajmoj 1d ago

Ancient Rome be like.

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u/dopitysmokty 1d ago

lmao cue Cartmen sticking Butters dick in his mouth to show everyone how gay Butters is.

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u/krsaxor 1d ago

Noy even. I give my homies a kiss on the mouth, no tongue tough.

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u/Alpha_Decay_ 1d ago

I've always felt like it's ok if it's just a little tongue, just don't grab his ass. At least not super hard. I mean kinda hard because you don't want to seem weak, but don't be gay about it or the brojob that follows will be awkward.

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u/Pandas-are-the-worst 1d ago

And brojobs are only gay if you make eye contact longer than 5 minutes

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u/cm_fanelli 1d ago edited 1d ago

Not if he pays me. I’m not gay, I’m an entrepreneur. Support local businesses.

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u/Arathaon185 1d ago

And remember if you film it it's not prostitution, youre an actor.

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u/cm_fanelli 1d ago

And if you do it in your off time as well, you’re a method actor.

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u/aracheb 1d ago

Need to pay taxes for that rump..

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u/McFarquar 1d ago

If you said that you didn’t like it afterwards, it wouldn’t be gay

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u/Round_Ad_6369 2d ago

Or slapping his ass, outside of baseball practice

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u/watchmeskipwork 1d ago

Nah, no sporting event needed. You just have to say good game.

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u/Comfortable-Camp-493 1d ago

Or football practice or basketball practice or hockey practice or tennis practice or golf or….

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u/Orbnotacus 1d ago

Everyone who didn't play sports: That was gay.

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u/Survivor483 1d ago

E-sports?

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u/tjoe4321510 1d ago

Nah they can't be gay cause they all fuck each other's moms

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u/Round_Ad_6369 1d ago

I'm sure disc golf could even fit in there too

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u/RoyalWigglerKing 1d ago

No it’s gay if it’s disc golf

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u/ArtSchnurple 1d ago

Not because of the ass slapping though

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u/ManicPixieOldMaid 1d ago

It's okay to ass- slap in ice hockey cuz the fat pants...

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u/SofterBones 1d ago Gold

Life must be exhausting for these guys who are so terrified that they may be perceived to be gay for greeting someone, wearing a certain colored shirt or ordering a certain drink or dish at a restaurant.

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u/themistergraves 1d ago

My brother is one of these people. Even though we're brothers and we grew up together, I still can't understand his obsession with avoiding things that he believes might be "gay" or that might cause others with a similar obsession to see him as "gay". Like the only other people that care about that shit... are other dudes that are obsessed with not being seen as gay.

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u/StormySands 1d ago

I know people say that you shouldn’t assume that everyone who is homophobic is secretly gay, but people like your brother make it hard sometimes. Like, if you’re truly, naturally heterosexual, you don’t have to try so hard. If you have to actively put work into being straight, you’re probably suppressing something.

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u/runsailswimsurf 1d ago

Right. For the “being gay is a choice” crowd, I wonder how many are constantly, strenuously, choosing to try to be straight.

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u/Zmchastain 1d ago

Yeah, this is the only way their position makes sense. If they think homosexuality is a choice it stands to reason that they’ve experienced being “tempted” by that choice. This attitude never made sense to me until I considered that, then it makes complete sense. It’s all a bunch of closeted dudes in denial.

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u/Vormison 1d ago

I think your brother might be gay. Tell him I said “Good morning”.

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u/semboflorin 1d ago

Locking yourself in the closet can be a rough experience.

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u/ReptilianLaserbeam 1d ago edited 1d ago

I must be super gay then for those guys… I greet everyone, I have several pink pieces of clothing , I sometimes like to order “girly” cocktails just for the fun of it… oh, and I wash my ass daily!

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u/wrecktus_abdominus 1d ago

I have several pink pieces of cloth

If you have enough, you may be able to get them made into clothes!

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u/ReptilianLaserbeam 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’ll keep trying, I rip and steal small pieces of cloth whenever I’m at a department store. One day I’ll have enough to sew my own pink shirt.

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u/queernhighonblugrass 1d ago

People like this are agitated about everything all the time, just constantly on edge about to pop off

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u/tbods 1d ago

It’s why they’re always so angry and have absolutely no joy in life. Yet think everyone else is miserable.

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u/DaCozPuddingPop 2d ago

Unless 'tell another man good morning' is a euphemism for 'having sex with another man', then no, it's not gay.

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u/ReflexDojo 1d ago

Dudes on Grindr now.

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u/Insanity_Crab 1d ago

One minute you're saying "Good morning" to a gentleman, the next you're trying to hold in your insides and watching the end credits scroll past on grindr.

Don't do it kids!

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u/ReflexDojo 1d ago

Sheeeeeeeeeessssssssshhhhhhhhhh

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u/trapper2530 1d ago

Maybe dad is secretly gay and that's password for their towns underground gay sex club?

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u/surfdad67 1d ago

Actually you may be onto something

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u/VomitingPotato 1d ago

EVERYONE knows "Good morning!" Is code for, "I gobble cocks for breakfast and I'm famished you virile love muppet."

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u/BondageKitty37 1d ago edited 1d ago Masterpiece

Yeah I say "Good Morning":

Gobble

Organs

Orally,

Daniel.

My

Orgasm

Requires

Nubile Numerous

Indecent,

Naked

Guys

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u/JadedSociopath 1d ago

Upvote for effort. Maybe change D to “daily”.

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u/bsr9090 1d ago

And N to numerous, and it's perfect.

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u/Lmao_Stonks 1d ago

Hi, I’m Daniel and you can ignore this guy!

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u/EverythingHurtsDan 1d ago

I'm a Daniel. Thank you for the real time updates on your daily habits.

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u/Qelly 1d ago

Read this in John Olivers voice.

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u/Sadir00 1d ago

Fuck, the str8 boys figured it out.. we need new code words now

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u/DocGerbill 1d ago Silver

depends if you have his penis in your mouth when you say it or not

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u/jimbobsqrpants 1d ago

Not much of a penis if you can still get your tongue around those words

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u/veritoast 1d ago

“Guh mooowwmin!!”

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u/AJ_Crowley_29 1d ago

Fellas, is it gay to show basic human empathy towards another man?

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u/OmegaGoober 1d ago

There are men who think it’s gay to wipe their ass.

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u/WorkAccess 1d ago Silver

These "macho men" have such fragile masculinity that even being kind is seen as a gay act. It's a safe bet to assume that anybody that acts this hostile towards such a simple act has serious sexual insecurities about themselves.

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u/CivilRuin4111 1d ago

My dad was talking shit about some random guy for using an umbrella.

I don’t get it.

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u/Wild_Cazoo 1d ago

I don't understand the good morning but I understand talking shit for using a device designed to block the rain.

If I ever see that kind of logical thinking I just get so angry.

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u/0rclev 1d ago

A real man twists his stubbled face into a dour scowl, then just flips up the collar of his trench coat, sets his trilby low over his brow and lights a stogie for warmth as he slinks away into the downpour.

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u/Acute_Newt 1d ago

If masculinity is being a washed up private detective in a classic murder mystery noir who's just discovered his only lead in a big new case has just been murdered, I'd like to go back to being a man pls.

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u/losethemap 1d ago

Real men get pneumonia.

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u/thenaniwatiger 1d ago

I saw a video the other day of a gas station clerk in the hood giving out roses randomly, dudes had a meltdown over that shit lol

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u/Zealousideal-Law-474 1d ago

It seems like the men who have no idea how to be masculine have all these weird, arbitrary rules on not being gay.

First rule of man club is being confident in your sexuality, straight, gay, bi, just be you and don't care about other people having victimless relationships.

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u/bmxtricky5 1d ago

Straight up, I just do me. Don’t really give a fuck what people think about it. I’m getting married in 10 days to a beautiful girl, however I still constantly hit on my guy friends, nobody ever compliments dudes so I try to pump there tires where I can lol

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u/Visible_Bag_7809 1d ago

Ok, but can you pump my actual tires? I really need an air compressor sometimes.

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u/WelbyReddit 1d ago

I really depends

“Do you wish me a good morning,

or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not;

or that you feel good this morning;

or that it is a morning to be good on?”

-Gandalf

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u/Longjumping_Bunch_53 1d ago

"Or that you want to have homosexual sex this morning?" -Gandalf in the extended edition

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u/HarpoonNPuppies 1d ago

By the Valar Gandalf! Just accept the damn greeting and MOVE ON!

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u/PANDAmonium629 1d ago

Not unless you're saying it with his cock in your mouth as he wakes up. But that's also rude because you're not supposed to talk with your mouth full.

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u/RansomReville 1d ago

It depends really, if you were sucking his dick while you said it that could come off as gay.

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u/Volfgang91 1d ago

"Fellas, is it gay to be polite?"

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u/MissusNilesCrane 2d ago Take My Energy

Is it gay to *checks notes* use common courtesy?

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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago

Dude, scroll down the list, it's right there after taking a bath, just before drinking wine..

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u/TheCloudFestival 1d ago

I've seen late-game Jenga towers more secure than this guy's dad.

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u/LadyKokiri 1d ago hehehehe

I said "good morning" once, and now im trans.

YMMV

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u/Whatscheiser 1d ago

That's insane. Not trying to make it a military thing, but I mean in boot camp you basically get punished for not acknowledging the presence of a superior in this way. Good morning, Sir. Good afternoon, evening, etc... It's considered baseline respect to recognize their presence. So unless your Dad is making the argument that the U.S. Military is brainwashing its troops to be super gay, then no. This is not gay. In fact the only thing inherently gay is being in a romantic relationship with the same sex. No idea what your Dad is on about here. Just out of curiosity what area of the country are you all from?

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u/jhuseby 1d ago

Your dad’s wrong. Being attracted to the same sex makes you gay. People who put up a large front usually do so as a defensive mechanism. ie a lot of people worried about “appearing gay” are doing so for a reason. For the majority of people, they’re not worried about appearing gay or straight. Also your dad is implying there’s something wrong with being gay, there’s not. He sounds like like a shitty person, I wouldn’t base my life around his views or morals.

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u/ScaredKnee4530 1d ago

My friend unironically thinks saying “Hi” to another man is gay. But it isn’t this defensive mechanism. He’s just ACTUALLY dumb, and thinks that’s a social standard.

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u/peter-doubt 2d ago

Sounds like Dad's a bit homophobic

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u/Mrorganic20 1d ago

Just text your dad good morning everyday or say it every time you see him

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u/dessnom 1d ago

Fellas, is it gay to talk, like other men can hear you

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u/Ok-Environment8730 1d ago

Good morning everyone

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u/Danishmarks 1d ago

I always say “good morning” but that’s just because it’s so hard to say “what’s up” with a cock in my mouth

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u/Rennergader 1d ago

Sounds like your dads gay

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u/SalesGuy22 1d ago

Tell your Dad that's gay thinking, and only a gay guy would be worried about that. Tell him you are giving him a safe space to come out of the closet.

Tell him Good Morning every single day until you die now

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u/crustpope 1d ago

A) it’s not Gay and B) if they think it is Gay then that’s their problem not yours. If they really are that confused about whether you are gay or not they can ask. Assuming someone is gay because they greet you with “good morning” is something only insecure idiots do.

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u/Mechagouki1971 1d ago

"a little sweet".

It's so depressing that there are still so many men in the world who think that random politeness may lead to them being penetrated against their will.

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