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u/PrettyLightzz 1d ago
This reminds me of South Park where Randy was like "Stan, you call your friend an asshole RIGHT NOW"
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u/Spaghetti_Cartwheels 1d ago
But he was being a silly goose!
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u/TheDotanuki 1d ago
That's my favorite "insult." I use it often.
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u/indolent08 1d ago •
As a non-native English speaker, the mental image always cracks me up. It's a goose. And it's being silly. Excellent.
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u/otteregg 1d ago
One of my favourite insults for mental imagery is 'bull in a China shop'. I imagine Ferdinand the Bull (from the Disney short) trying to buy a tea set and it never fails to make me smile.
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u/Camelopardestrian 1d ago
Kanye West, gay fish, has a track called âGood Morningâ.
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u/rcoolerthan_me
2d ago
•
Doing laundry with your dad is very gay.
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u/madDarthvader2 1d ago
Oh you have a Dad? Bro that's gay.
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u/droppedelbow 1d ago
Only if you're handwashing his undies and he's still wearing them.
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u/Azhurkral 1d ago
Based. If his dad is so worried about gay´ish attitudes, he should know that doing laundry is traditionally considered a woman task, so very gay if a man does it.
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u/getefix 1d ago
Dad is probably gay and scared people will find out
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u/DonnyMagoo 1d ago
Can't be doing laundry AND be saying good morning to other men. People will start to talk..
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u/austinmiles 1d ago
If I saw a 23yr old and a middle-aged man at the laundromat together thereâs a real chance I might think they were a couple.
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u/Responsible_Farm1672 2d ago
Showing kindness is gay now lads
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u/ArduennSchwartzman 1d ago
Not just kindness. Hygiene and nutrition too. Three things that turn you gay:
- Saying "good morning" to another man.
- Wiping your ass after taking a shit.
- Drinking Bud Light.
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u/Kzaah 1d ago
And washing your ass in shower đż
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u/kilar277 1d ago
This has haunted me since that discourse started.
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u/UWontAgreeWithMe 1d ago edited 1d ago
I've been so shocked by how many guy friends think they'll suddenly become bred bitch boys by scrubbing their nasty assholes with soap and water. Like removing shit and sweat from their body will awake an insatiable lust to be raw dogged in a gay gangbang.
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u/sg12412 1d ago
Yeah wiping your ass is straight as hell, but soaping up between them cheeks? Super fucking gay.
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u/timcard1988throw 1d ago
If wiping my ass is gay, then I don't wanna be straight
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u/Atty_for_hire 1d ago
Wait till you try a bidet
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u/T-West1 1d ago
Don't forget wearing glasses. The ability to see makes you incredibly gay apparently
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u/ima_shill 1d ago
I had a guy confront me for holding the door for him while walking into a gas station. âI donât play like that you bitchâ
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u/StillSundayDrunk 1d ago
I had something similar but much less intense - I was at a small gas station in rural TN and there was a group of bikers at the pumps. As I was walking in they had started to walk in behind me and I held the door for them and the first guy (looked like maybe the MC leader based on patches?) stops a few feet away, stares at me through his sunglasses, and just shakes his head "no." So I went in and went about my business but the message I got was that he wasn't going to let any man hold a door for him.
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u/evil_con_carne 1d ago edited 1d ago
Weird. I live in a super conservative area in Texas and guys hold the door for each other all the time. Kind of annoying sometimes tbh because Iâll be like 6 feet away and have to power walk to the door so I wonât feel rude for just letting some guy stand there while I take my time
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u/Yes_seriously_now 1d ago
It's ridiculous out here in North AR. Folks, even older women, will hold the door for you when you're about halfway across the lot...
Wasn't planning running in my slides, but lemme go on and sprint this last 50 feet and hope I don't lose a shoe
STG, I will pull in and wave them off from my driver's seat like I'm not gonna come inside for a while, go on and let the door close.
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u/Randompersonomreddit 1d ago
I, a woman, once held a door for a man carrying a baby at a Wawa and he got a little offended.
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u/ikiss-yomama 1d ago
Itâs gay to talk to a man before noon
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u/CollectionStraight2 1d ago
Or in the evening. All male on male social contact must be between the hours of 12pm and 6pm
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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago
Clothing optional.
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u/0rclev 1d ago
I suppose, but only if you are doing manly things, like greco-roman wrestling, wood working, or packing fudge.
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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago
What about polishing knobs?
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u/0rclev 1d ago
Ah a very manly task indeed. Nothing better than sitting on the porch with a manly friend and polishing some knobs after a long day grueling fudge packing. The secret is to spit on it before polishing.
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u/Dakzoo
2d ago
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No, unless you are laying together in bed spooning as he slowly wakes up after a night of passionate lovemaking.
Then super gay.
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u/Big_Berry_4589 1d ago
It wouldnât be gay if you said no homo first⌠or wore socks
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u/yamanoski 1d ago
Damn forgot the socks
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u/daemon_panda 1d ago
Sorry, you are gay now. I don't make the rules.
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u/dreetz08 1d ago
If I put a bandage on someone that doesn't make me a doctor. But I suck one dick
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u/Desperate-Badger9429 1d ago
The one tip medical school absolutely hate.
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u/MOOShoooooo 1d ago
What if thereâs two guys in a car and it crashes. They both get ejected from the car and lose their shoes and socks and land in a position where one of their dicks slide into the others bum.
Now, since there wasnât any time to claim no homo AND socks came off, would that be a legitimate game of Tummy Sticks?
All theoretical, not specific.
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u/DestructoSpin7 1d ago
both get ejected from the car and lose their shoes
Doesn't matter, they're dead anyway.
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u/wellnote 1d ago
Wearing socks just makes that the homie sleepover special, nothing gay about it
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u/IdolCowboy 1d ago
It's funny, I said somwth8ng Bout it not being gay if it was so an so to my son (18 at the time) and he rattled off like 10 rules on why it's not gay if... quick.. I was like whoa whoa whoooooa! Let's put pandora back in her box!!!
Lol
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u/Flanman1337 1d ago
That is literally the only thing you can't do with Pandora and her box.
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u/Micheal_Kibitsuji 1d ago
And also as a wise man once said âitâs not gay with the homiesâ
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u/Drewbeede 1d ago
That might be just regular gay. I believe a cape is needed to be super gay.
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u/mothlord420 1d ago
Itâs only gay if you donât slap each other on the ass and say good game afterwards
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u/CatConscious6900 1d ago
Kind of a gray area.
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u/RaiShado 1d ago
That sentence should only have 1 'r'
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u/Its_noon_somewhere
2d ago
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Itâs not gay to say âgood morningâ to another male, unless youâre cupping his crotch at the time.
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u/mseg09 1d ago
Or if you're rolling over in bed to say it to him. It may be gay then.
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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago
Nah bro that's absurd. It's only gay if your dicks touch. I sleep naked with my homies all the time.
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u/mseg09 1d ago
Ah sorry, enjoy your straight bro sleepovers
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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago
I mean obviously we gotta wash each other in the shower before we go to work but you know. Just guy stuff.
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u/EvaUnit_03 1d ago
DUDE! We told you to keep it on the DL... you lucky you're cute or you wouldn't be included in our 'guys nights' no more.
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u/UbermachoGuy 1d ago
Itâs not gay at all to sleep naked with your homies. Head to feet that way dicks never touch.
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u/Mel_in_morphosis 1d ago
But even if your dicks touch, you just say âno homoâand itâs all good. You can also give him a kiss in the neck, just say ârespectfully â first.
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u/Langsamkoenig 1d ago
Don't spread these nasty rumours. It's only gay if your balls touch. Frotting is totally hetero, bro.
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u/justanotherzaneboyo 1d ago •
I'm so sorry bro you're right. Docking is on the table. You can shlobber on that nobber and gargle your homies nutties, but if you and him play click-clack with your ball sacks, all bets are off.
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u/58G52A 1d ago •
âGood morning, mind if I suck your cock?â would be gay
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u/shankster1987 1d ago
It's only gay if you kiss them on the mouth.
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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 1d ago
Well in most cultures, historically at least, it was really only considered gay to receive, not to give.
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u/bon_joby 1d ago •
So then OP is not gay, but the man he said good morning to IS gay. Because he received a good morning from another man.
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u/rorykoehler 1d ago
That's why it's super important to be extra vigilant when out and about just in case you get caught off guard and don't get your good morning in first. A few years ago it happened to me and I caught long gay but I've recovered now.
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u/anotherreditloser 1d ago
Now he wears a shirt that says âGood Morningâ when he goes out of the house. Taking no more chances.
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u/ThRvrnd 1d ago
Good morning. GOTCHA AGAIN you little bottom bitch! Everyone knows the gay is worse the second time you catch it.
Circle circle dot dot now Iâve got the homo shot. Vaccine vaccine pill pill, now the gay canât make me ill.
No erasies.
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u/AsleepJuggernaut2066 1d ago
This made me laugh hard enough to startle my dog! Thanks for the morning laugh!
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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 1d ago
I'm just imagining a bunch of philosophers like this sitting around a room debating which guy would be gay.
Sounds like a great South Park skit
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u/JadedLeafs 1d ago
To be fair, the world has been becoming a south park skit for a few years now.
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u/dopitysmokty 1d ago
lmao cue Cartmen sticking Butters dick in his mouth to show everyone how gay Butters is.
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u/krsaxor 1d ago
Noy even. I give my homies a kiss on the mouth, no tongue tough.
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u/Alpha_Decay_ 1d ago
I've always felt like it's ok if it's just a little tongue, just don't grab his ass. At least not super hard. I mean kinda hard because you don't want to seem weak, but don't be gay about it or the brojob that follows will be awkward.
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u/Pandas-are-the-worst 1d ago
And brojobs are only gay if you make eye contact longer than 5 minutes
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u/cm_fanelli 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not if he pays me. Iâm not gay, Iâm an entrepreneur. Support local businesses.
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u/McFarquar 1d ago
If you said that you didnât like it afterwards, it wouldnât be gay
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u/Round_Ad_6369 2d ago
Or slapping his ass, outside of baseball practice
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u/watchmeskipwork 1d ago
Nah, no sporting event needed. You just have to say good game.
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u/Comfortable-Camp-493 1d ago
Or football practice or basketball practice or hockey practice or tennis practice or golf orâŚ.
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u/Orbnotacus 1d ago
Everyone who didn't play sports: That was gay.
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u/Round_Ad_6369 1d ago
I'm sure disc golf could even fit in there too
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u/SofterBones
1d ago
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Life must be exhausting for these guys who are so terrified that they may be perceived to be gay for greeting someone, wearing a certain colored shirt or ordering a certain drink or dish at a restaurant.
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u/themistergraves 1d ago
My brother is one of these people. Even though we're brothers and we grew up together, I still can't understand his obsession with avoiding things that he believes might be "gay" or that might cause others with a similar obsession to see him as "gay". Like the only other people that care about that shit... are other dudes that are obsessed with not being seen as gay.
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u/StormySands 1d ago
I know people say that you shouldnât assume that everyone who is homophobic is secretly gay, but people like your brother make it hard sometimes. Like, if youâre truly, naturally heterosexual, you donât have to try so hard. If you have to actively put work into being straight, youâre probably suppressing something.
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u/runsailswimsurf 1d ago
Right. For the âbeing gay is a choiceâ crowd, I wonder how many are constantly, strenuously, choosing to try to be straight.
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u/Zmchastain 1d ago
Yeah, this is the only way their position makes sense. If they think homosexuality is a choice it stands to reason that theyâve experienced being âtemptedâ by that choice. This attitude never made sense to me until I considered that, then it makes complete sense. Itâs all a bunch of closeted dudes in denial.
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u/ReptilianLaserbeam 1d ago edited 1d ago
I must be super gay then for those guys⌠I greet everyone, I have several pink pieces of clothing , I sometimes like to order âgirlyâ cocktails just for the fun of it⌠oh, and I wash my ass daily!
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u/wrecktus_abdominus 1d ago
I have several pink pieces of cloth
If you have enough, you may be able to get them made into clothes!
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u/ReptilianLaserbeam 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iâll keep trying, I rip and steal small pieces of cloth whenever Iâm at a department store. One day Iâll have enough to sew my own pink shirt.
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u/queernhighonblugrass 1d ago
People like this are agitated about everything all the time, just constantly on edge about to pop off
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u/DaCozPuddingPop 2d ago
Unless 'tell another man good morning' is a euphemism for 'having sex with another man', then no, it's not gay.
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u/ReflexDojo 1d ago
Dudes on Grindr now.
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u/Insanity_Crab 1d ago
One minute you're saying "Good morning" to a gentleman, the next you're trying to hold in your insides and watching the end credits scroll past on grindr.
Don't do it kids!
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u/trapper2530 1d ago
Maybe dad is secretly gay and that's password for their towns underground gay sex club?
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u/VomitingPotato 1d ago
EVERYONE knows "Good morning!" Is code for, "I gobble cocks for breakfast and I'm famished you virile love muppet."
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u/BondageKitty37 1d ago edited 1d ago •
Yeah I say "Good Morning":
Gobble
Organs
Orally,
Daniel.
My
Orgasm
Requires
NubileNumerousIndecent,
Naked
Guys
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u/EverythingHurtsDan 1d ago
I'm a Daniel. Thank you for the real time updates on your daily habits.
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u/DocGerbill
1d ago
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depends if you have his penis in your mouth when you say it or not
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u/AJ_Crowley_29 1d ago
Fellas, is it gay to show basic human empathy towards another man?
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u/WorkAccess
1d ago
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These "macho men" have such fragile masculinity that even being kind is seen as a gay act. It's a safe bet to assume that anybody that acts this hostile towards such a simple act has serious sexual insecurities about themselves.
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u/CivilRuin4111 1d ago
My dad was talking shit about some random guy for using an umbrella.
I donât get it.
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u/Wild_Cazoo 1d ago
I don't understand the good morning but I understand talking shit for using a device designed to block the rain.
If I ever see that kind of logical thinking I just get so angry.
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u/0rclev 1d ago
A real man twists his stubbled face into a dour scowl, then just flips up the collar of his trench coat, sets his trilby low over his brow and lights a stogie for warmth as he slinks away into the downpour.
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u/Acute_Newt 1d ago
If masculinity is being a washed up private detective in a classic murder mystery noir who's just discovered his only lead in a big new case has just been murdered, I'd like to go back to being a man pls.
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u/thenaniwatiger 1d ago
I saw a video the other day of a gas station clerk in the hood giving out roses randomly, dudes had a meltdown over that shit lol
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u/Zealousideal-Law-474 1d ago
It seems like the men who have no idea how to be masculine have all these weird, arbitrary rules on not being gay.
First rule of man club is being confident in your sexuality, straight, gay, bi, just be you and don't care about other people having victimless relationships.
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u/bmxtricky5 1d ago
Straight up, I just do me. Donât really give a fuck what people think about it. Iâm getting married in 10 days to a beautiful girl, however I still constantly hit on my guy friends, nobody ever compliments dudes so I try to pump there tires where I can lol
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u/Visible_Bag_7809 1d ago
Ok, but can you pump my actual tires? I really need an air compressor sometimes.
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u/WelbyReddit 1d ago
I really depends
âDo you wish me a good morning,
or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not;
or that you feel good this morning;
or that it is a morning to be good on?â
-Gandalf
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u/Longjumping_Bunch_53 1d ago
"Or that you want to have homosexual sex this morning?" -Gandalf in the extended edition
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u/PANDAmonium629 1d ago
Not unless you're saying it with his cock in your mouth as he wakes up. But that's also rude because you're not supposed to talk with your mouth full.
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u/RansomReville 1d ago
It depends really, if you were sucking his dick while you said it that could come off as gay.
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u/MissusNilesCrane
2d ago
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Is it gay to *checks notes* use common courtesy?
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u/ChuckFeathers 1d ago
Dude, scroll down the list, it's right there after taking a bath, just before drinking wine..
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u/TheCloudFestival 1d ago
I've seen late-game Jenga towers more secure than this guy's dad.
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u/Whatscheiser 1d ago
That's insane. Not trying to make it a military thing, but I mean in boot camp you basically get punished for not acknowledging the presence of a superior in this way. Good morning, Sir. Good afternoon, evening, etc... It's considered baseline respect to recognize their presence. So unless your Dad is making the argument that the U.S. Military is brainwashing its troops to be super gay, then no. This is not gay. In fact the only thing inherently gay is being in a romantic relationship with the same sex. No idea what your Dad is on about here. Just out of curiosity what area of the country are you all from?
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u/jhuseby 1d ago
Your dadâs wrong. Being attracted to the same sex makes you gay. People who put up a large front usually do so as a defensive mechanism. ie a lot of people worried about âappearing gayâ are doing so for a reason. For the majority of people, theyâre not worried about appearing gay or straight. Also your dad is implying thereâs something wrong with being gay, thereâs not. He sounds like like a shitty person, I wouldnât base my life around his views or morals.
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u/ScaredKnee4530 1d ago
My friend unironically thinks saying âHiâ to another man is gay. But it isnât this defensive mechanism. Heâs just ACTUALLY dumb, and thinks thatâs a social standard.
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u/Mrorganic20 1d ago
Just text your dad good morning everyday or say it every time you see him
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u/Danishmarks 1d ago
I always say âgood morningâ but thatâs just because itâs so hard to say âwhatâs upâ with a cock in my mouth
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u/SalesGuy22 1d ago
Tell your Dad that's gay thinking, and only a gay guy would be worried about that. Tell him you are giving him a safe space to come out of the closet.
Tell him Good Morning every single day until you die now
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u/crustpope 1d ago
A) itâs not Gay and B) if they think it is Gay then thatâs their problem not yours. If they really are that confused about whether you are gay or not they can ask. Assuming someone is gay because they greet you with âgood morningâ is something only insecure idiots do.
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u/Mechagouki1971 1d ago
"a little sweet".
It's so depressing that there are still so many men in the world who think that random politeness may lead to them being penetrated against their will.
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