1.3k
u/ThoughtfulPoster 3d ago
Demeter keeps getting pocket-dialed during the six-month fuck-fest, and that's why she's so salty all winter.
604
u/bookdrops 2d ago
Persephone was really pent up from being away from her husband for 6 months while spending all her time with a goddess of fertility & marriage who is also her mom.
The ongoing LDR probably inspired Persephone & Hades to invent the ancient version of sexting.
354
u/feelbetternow 2d ago
The ongoing LDR probably inspired Persephone & Hades to invent the ancient version of sexting.
Persephone: "u up"
Hades: "Sweetie, we've discussed this, I literally rule the underworld."
Persephone: "lol, boomer"
194
u/thehansenman 2d ago
This is greek mythology I'm not entirely convinced Persephone didn't bang her mom. Somehow both got pregnant.
71
u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago
Demeter and Persephone didnāt have any kids together in the myths but I wouldnāt put it past them to be banging all sapphic style
45
u/Darkanayer 2d ago
That's what happens when demeter asks her siblings on how to keep perse up in the overworld. Everyone said sex. Except hestia. Who said blanket and cookies
17
41
u/rezzacci 2d ago
You're mistaking with Hera, she's the goddess of marriage, Demeter is the fertility/domesticated nature one.
88
u/bookdrops 2d ago
I said a goddess of marriage, not the goddess of marriage. Demeter was one, though it wasn't her main thing. Gods could have overlapping spheres of influence.
48
u/SkollFenrirson 2d ago
Athena and Ares are both gods of war, for instance.
16
u/kingjoey52a 2d ago
And Aphrodite!
13
u/LastFrost 2d ago edited 2d ago
Although I think the myths moved away from that over time. If I remember right she was imported from Italy where she was a war God but the Greeks toned that down because they already had some.
Edit: I did not remember right.
→ More replies9
46
u/marry_me_jane 2d ago edited 2d ago
To make it even more awkward, Hermes was the messenger between gods so he had to deliver that correspondence.
27
u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago
To be fair, if they wrote it down he wouldnāt have had to read it, just known who to deliver to
32
u/marry_me_jane 2d ago
He was also the god of trickery and pranks so heād probably read it to fuck with them
45
u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago
True. Thatās a fair point. Imagine him being like āoh yeah Iām gonna get them so good!ā And his face slowly warping to horror as Persephone describes the worlds most vile sex acts
21
u/Papaofmonsters 2d ago
"Persephone, what I just read there, Zues help me, is the most vile, depraved, disgusting filth beyond anything I could imagine. What could you possibly say to justify committing that to the written word or even think it?"
"We call it The Aristocrats!"
6
14
3
u/Demonking335 2d ago
āWe tween godsā lol.
3
u/marry_me_jane 2d ago
Need to type slower and proof read lol.
2
u/Demonking335 2d ago
Tis fine, happens to me all the time, just thought that exact instance was funny because it made me think of an instance where the greek gods are a bunch of tweens with no idea what theyāre doing just accidentally managing to make humanity come up with all their mythological stories.
421
u/80sKidAtHeart 2d ago
Thanatos is the Gravedigger. Hades is the Funeral Home owner.
189
u/Dr_MoRpHed 2d ago
Thanatos is the car. Hades is the rental company.
Thanatos is the sniper. Hades is the mafia boss.
56
3
1.0k
u/Rasolc 3d ago
I expected someone with Persephone in their name to know that Hades isn't the god of death
781
u/PKMNTrainerMark 3d ago
They make Thanatos watch.
I dunno.
272
u/LiveTart6130 3d ago
that's gotta be a fanfiction somewhere
166
u/Crux_Haloine 2d ago
Probably on r/HadesTheGame
64
29
u/PLZ_N_THKS 2d ago
Lol Thanatos is basically her stepsonā¦I guess that only strengthens that theory though.
1
156
u/Tail_Nom 2d ago
Religions and mythologies drift naturally, even within cultures that actively subscribe to them. The modern misconception that Hades is/was a death god could be viewed as yet more drift.
One could argue that he wasn't, but is now, at least to some extent.
82
u/mtabfto 2d ago
Whoa, that's a really interesting way of looking at it. Like thinking about when you read "Such and Such God, over years and in different areas, began to be written of as XYZ" that's the ancient version of "People read it on the internet and now Hades is known by a lot of people as the god of death." People start and trade and let go of stories and add their little bits to it as they all go along
35
u/dudeimconfused 2d ago
You would LOVE American Gods by Neil Gaiman, without spoiling too much, this is the main idea :)
7
u/jaggederest 2d ago
Linguistically this falls into the "descriptive" camp, i.e. "this word is often pronounced like X over here, and Y over here". It's considered better form than the somewhat outmoded "prescriptive" camp, which would say something like "the correct pronunciation is X, and a regional variation is Y"
179
u/miladymondegreen 2d ago
Hades was the symbolic god of death (as well as Dread Persephone, and sometimes Poseidon, especially deaths at sea), Thanatos was the personification god of death. Like how Apollo was a symbolic god of the sun, and Helios was the personification god. It was very common for Greek gods to have multiple domains, and domains ruled by multiple gods.
Fun fact: ancient Greeks would often call Hades Pluto or Pluton (Wealth Giver) in order to simultaneously venerate him (Hades was also god of gems and metals) and avoid calling his true, "deathly" name, which was considered to be bad luck. This name persisted into the Roman god as well.
40
4
u/ActualMis 2d ago
Hades is the god of the dead.
Thanatos is the god of death.
6
u/Willyjwade 2d ago
That depends on the time and place in Greece. Sure now that's how it's written but that was not always true there was plenty of time during the worship of the Olympians he would have been considered both.
1
u/andergriff 1d ago
yeah like they didn't have definitive scriptures or anything, so much of religion and beliefs at the time was dependent on word of mouth and the like
9
u/deleeuwlc 2d ago
Itās not like Persephone had any other known roleā¦
24
u/rezzacci 2d ago
Actually, she had. In fact, apparently, she was a much more prominent goddess in the Greek pantheon that Hades ever was. She was older, had more responsibilities and is often represented as more important than her husband in most iconographies.
If you're interested, I wholeheartidly encourage you to watch the Overly Sarcastic Productions video on Persephone. Funny, as always, and informative.
174
u/Pristine-Look 2d ago
Thanatos isn't it?
121
u/Quality-hour 2d ago
Thanatos is the god/personification of peaceful death. The Keres are spirits of violent death.
20
u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago
Of course, depending on so many other different aspects of Greek mythology, depending on time and place.
So many different cults over so many different places and times. There never was a single unified religion with a specific holy book
117
u/AllPurposeNerd 2d ago
"Persephone, I am working. Do you see that line."
"Well you've got to get off at some point." *wink*
28
u/Ugicywapih 2d ago
Summers are getting longer and winters shorter where I live.
Does that mean global climate change is giving Hades ED?
6
88
u/Dave-Swort 2d ago
Iām honestly baffled by how internet has universally decided that Hades and Persephone make an amazing, loving, sweet couple despite the fact that Hades literally kidnaps and rapes her leading to Demeter causing famine all over to the point where Zeus had to intermediate and say āfine, Persephone can be your prisoner half the year and free to do her duties the other half, now let me get back to focus on MY kidnappings and rapes please, bye!ā
49
79
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
I think it's because in other myths they do seem to love each other. What Hades did was horrible, but compared to his others and seeing how the kidnapping was described more like it was more of an arranged marriage (common for the time) and the problem being that it was an unilateral decision by Zeus, I can see how over time, people chose to interpret it that way
And that's not bad, myths change over time and they become what we make of them. Back in ancient, ancient Greece, Poseidon was king of the underworld
22
u/DragonTamerTalha 2d ago
my headcannon is that considering there no myths (not that I know of at least) about them after kidnapping.
they were probably a happy couple cherishing theirs time together. I mean Hades is by no means Evil he didnt even come up with the kidnapping plan.27
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
There are myths about them afterwards. In fact Persephone appears even in more myths than Hades o think. You have the Minthe myth, the only myth where Hades ever cheats, so people can simply ignore that, where Persephone gets jealous and deals with the mistress herself. Or the myth of Orpheus where his beautiful music moves both Hades and Persephone to give Orpheus's love life a second change. And others
4
u/ammarbadhrul 2d ago
Orpheus where his beautiful music moves both Hades and Persephone to give Orpheusās love life a second chance
Is this the inspiration for that part in The Book Of Life where manolo was granted a second chance at life by two Mayan gods of death? Thatās actually awesome if it is.
7
u/Plethora_of_squids 2d ago
...I mean the Menthe story seems to imply that they aren't a happy couple
Also there's a big difference between a myth gradually evolving and Tumblr just suddenly deciding something and declaring it the new canon
3
u/thelefthandN7 2d ago
I mean... that's kind of exactly how it used to work. A group would get together and reinterpret the story. The spread was just slower because no tumblr or internet. In the old days, you had to make an oil painting and send letters.
-4
u/Dave-Swort 2d ago
Wait why was my comment removed? What did I say?
5
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
It wasn't, I think you need to click something on mobile to see the original comment. At least I can see yours
0
u/Dave-Swort 2d ago
The reply to your comment too? Thatās the one Iām referring to
6
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
Oh no, I never got that one. Maybe something went wrong. Do you mind repeating it?
2
u/Dave-Swort 2d ago
Yeah, the gist of it was that in any other context this would still be unacceptable as the only āredeemingā quality was āoh wow he did it only once and that he married her so itās okā
5
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
Yeah, it still is bad. I guess the gods weren't supposed to be taken seriously as characters, just as ideas, concepts or simply forces of nature and the reason for the screwed up world. If one wants to tell a story with them as characters, adjustments do have to be made by trying to "translate" the original message and morals (in the case of the original, Zeus was portrayed like the only bad guy of the story for marrying off Persephone, his daughter, without the mother's permission), compare it to the rear of the myths in order to make a cohesive narrative (that a lot of myths didn't really have, in this case, other myths show them as a functional and loving couple). Otherwise, the story would just be incestual omnipotent rednecks who commit atrocities on a daily basis. In which case, the lack of political correctness and modern sensibilities aside, it's just not very compelling storytelling and kind of nihilist
3
u/Dave-Swort 2d ago
Yeah, myths were just a reflection of the society the were part of, even means to justify cultural norms and traditions, itās just that they usually donāt age really well and this feels like such a weird exception
6
u/Gui_Franco 2d ago
It's because they are the most functional couple and people find that interesting
Honestly my favourite portrayal is the Hades game (that game is so Mythology accurate in almost everything), where the explanation is that Zeus kidnapped Persephone and gave her to Hades as a gift and Hades is just exasperated that his brother tried to wingman him by kidnapping an innocent woman
→ More replies47
u/Terosan 2d ago
Because there are several versions of the myth, some of which it is actually Persephone who wanted to stay and purposefully ate the pomegranate, and most modern reinterpretations focus on those versions, because that makes Hades more unique compared to his brothers that are notoriously famous for raping.
12
u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago
And it's worth noting that in most cases Zeus actually got consent. Dubious consent, but consent nontheless by loose standards
5
u/Dexyan 2d ago
He didn't even get consent for marriage, he did his magic with a goddess that wanted none of it and then cheats every third day, having more illegitimate children than ones born of marriage, in fact, his wife even made her own child because Zeus cheated so much
2
u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago
Nah, Hera and Zeus does legitimately love each other, however not denying it's a very dysfunctional relationship
9
u/MyNameIs_Jesus_ 2d ago
Not entirely correct. Zeus did interfere but since she ate food from the underworld she couldnāt leave permanently which is why she could only leave for half the year. Some people point to Minthe as a reason to say that she eventually grew to love him as she got jealous of their affair and turned her into mint. All Greek mythology stories are fucked up to be honest. None of it is real and people enjoy making fanfiction so I donāt really mind if they make stories up about it
2
-2
u/l94xxx 2d ago
I'm surprised too. And when people say she ended up wanting to stay, I would expect other redditors to shout, "Stockholm syndrome!"
9
u/OnsetOfMSet 2d ago
My Redditor contract legally compels me to shout "Stockholm syndrome" only when the subject matter is Beauty and the Beast. It's actually optional for Hades/Persephone.
0
1
u/thisaintmyusername12 13h ago
it's mostly that all the other greek god couples manage to be much worse
8
u/FluffyMittens_ 2d ago
Hades isn't death though, he's just the ruler of the underworld.
Now if death is what you're after, then you're dealing with Thanatos (Peaceful) or Ares (Violent).
3
u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago
Well, specifically Ares children. Though in some myths, like that of Sisyphys Thanatos is the personification of all deaths, as shown with Ares being the one that noticed that something was wrong when everyone stopped dying during wars.
26
u/BiMikethefirst 2d ago
what
84
u/Glass_Memories 2d ago
It's a reference to the ancient Greek story of Hades, Persephone and Demeter that explains why we have winter.
24
u/BiMikethefirst 2d ago
yeah no, the part I'm confused about is Persephone saying bang like a screen door in a hurricane.
60
u/Hokenlord 2d ago
Well a screen door is very light so the winds of a hurricane would make it slam shut very hard over and over again while making a banging noise.
Banging is also a term for sex
22
u/venusiansailorscout 2d ago
Bang in this case meaning both knocking against something and for having sex.
A screen door in a windy hurricane is going to be being blown about and banging all over the place. Much like Persephone intends to do with Hades: loudly, frequently, and probably with a certain amount of recklessness.
7
5
u/Glass_Memories 2d ago
Yup. Banging the shit out of her uncle...who kidnapped her and forced her into marriage.
Loudly and frequently. Aww yeah.
10
u/Privatizitaet 2d ago
Technically her fathet forced her into marriage. Hades asked him for permission, since he's her father, so it's kinda just an arranged marriage. Also some weird stuff with marriage and kidnapping that I don't remember enough about to make a confident statement
3
u/Privatizitaet 2d ago
It was still her uncle though, you really can't argue with that.
12
u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago
Eh, they're gods. Literally forces of nature and societyacting like people without being people. Famillial relations matters a lot less to such beings
7
u/byakko 2d ago edited 2d ago
And Zeus and Hera are siblings, and Zeus banged pretty much everything, banged a woman as a sunbeam, and as a swan. Are we suppose to wring our rosaries because Hades and Persephone are uncle and niece while being divine and part-divine?
Trying to assert IRL morality for any mythology, especially Greek mythology, is hilarious. Especially as something relatively mundane as uncle/niece marriage, which was not uncommon IRL with nobility who pursued it to manipulate inheritance laws or other things to keep properties within their own bloodlines.
For comparison in other mythologies, there's several ethnic tribes in China who proudly declare lineage from dog and a princess. The dog did attain partial human form but started of and is still regarded, as a dog. The other China origin myth had sibling incest ala Zeus and Hera but with Nuwa and her brother. And so on and so forth.
→ More replies3
29
6
12
3
u/Asriel-the-Jolteon 2d ago
BAH DEE YAH
say do you remember
B A H D E E Y A H
fucking in september
3
2
1
-21
1
1
2.3k
u/Darth_Gonk21 3d ago
Persephone sucks at knock knock jokes