r/tumblr 3d ago

Not today

Post image
22.1k Upvotes

2.3k

u/Darth_Gonk21 3d ago

Persephone sucks at knock knock jokes

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u/samuraipanda85 2d ago

Thankfully for Hades's sake, that's not all she sucks at.

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u/TheBirminghamBear 2d ago edited 2d ago

Yeah she also sucks at not being kidnapped.

And existing on the mortal realm for 12 out of the 12 months of the year.

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u/Thrownawaybyall 2d ago

Sigh. The pomegranate seeds were merely a ruse to appease her overbearing mother 🙄

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u/Sirius1701 2d ago edited 2d ago

In some versions of the story.

Edit: I'd like to add, I like the version where Persephone is in the underworld by choice more.

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u/Thrownawaybyall 2d ago

I... uh... oh 😳

I was paraphrasing Piers Anthony's On a Pale Horse 🫣

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u/crazyfoxdemon 2d ago

You mean the original pottery shards version?

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u/ActualWhiterabbit 2d ago

Shut it, Persephone can have no agency.

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u/faity5 2d ago

I need context what pottery shard?

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u/crazyfoxdemon 2d ago

Basically the oldest version of this myth that exists comes from some pottery shards.

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u/faity5 2d ago

Can you give me a link to that find?

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u/Mahesvara 2d ago

Nah, that answer is just her way of saying "It is me bitch, let me in."

It does work pretty well.

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u/ThespianException 2d ago

Idk, if a hot girl told me that I’d be all-in

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u/ThoughtfulPoster 3d ago

Demeter keeps getting pocket-dialed during the six-month fuck-fest, and that's why she's so salty all winter.

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u/bookdrops 2d ago

Persephone was really pent up from being away from her husband for 6 months while spending all her time with a goddess of fertility & marriage who is also her mom.

The ongoing LDR probably inspired Persephone & Hades to invent the ancient version of sexting.

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u/feelbetternow 2d ago

The ongoing LDR probably inspired Persephone & Hades to invent the ancient version of sexting.

Persephone: "u up"

Hades: "Sweetie, we've discussed this, I literally rule the underworld."

Persephone: "lol, boomer"

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u/thehansenman 2d ago

This is greek mythology I'm not entirely convinced Persephone didn't bang her mom. Somehow both got pregnant.

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u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago

Demeter and Persephone didn’t have any kids together in the myths but I wouldn’t put it past them to be banging all sapphic style

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u/Darkanayer 2d ago

That's what happens when demeter asks her siblings on how to keep perse up in the overworld. Everyone said sex. Except hestia. Who said blanket and cookies

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u/TheBackyardigirl 2d ago

Hestia’s my kinda vibe

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u/Darkanayer 2d ago

We all, in some way, need a hestia in our lives

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u/rezzacci 2d ago

You're mistaking with Hera, she's the goddess of marriage, Demeter is the fertility/domesticated nature one.

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u/bookdrops 2d ago

I said a goddess of marriage, not the goddess of marriage. Demeter was one, though it wasn't her main thing. Gods could have overlapping spheres of influence.

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u/SkollFenrirson 2d ago

Athena and Ares are both gods of war, for instance.

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u/kingjoey52a 2d ago

And Aphrodite!

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u/LastFrost 2d ago edited 2d ago

Although I think the myths moved away from that over time. If I remember right she was imported from Italy where she was a war God but the Greeks toned that down because they already had some.

Edit: I did not remember right.

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u/kingjoey52a 2d ago

Other direction, she came from Phoenicia via Babylon I think.

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u/marry_me_jane 2d ago edited 2d ago

To make it even more awkward, Hermes was the messenger between gods so he had to deliver that correspondence.

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u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago

To be fair, if they wrote it down he wouldn’t have had to read it, just known who to deliver to

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u/marry_me_jane 2d ago

He was also the god of trickery and pranks so he’d probably read it to fuck with them

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u/Impossible_Garbage_4 2d ago

True. That’s a fair point. Imagine him being like “oh yeah I’m gonna get them so good!” And his face slowly warping to horror as Persephone describes the worlds most vile sex acts

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u/Papaofmonsters 2d ago

"Persephone, what I just read there, Zues help me, is the most vile, depraved, disgusting filth beyond anything I could imagine. What could you possibly say to justify committing that to the written word or even think it?"

"We call it The Aristocrats!"

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u/SkollFenrirson 2d ago

The Olympians

Ftfy

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u/marry_me_jane 2d ago

Violently vomits nectar and wine everywhere*

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u/Demonking335 2d ago

“We tween gods” lol.

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u/marry_me_jane 2d ago

Need to type slower and proof read lol.

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u/Demonking335 2d ago

Tis fine, happens to me all the time, just thought that exact instance was funny because it made me think of an instance where the greek gods are a bunch of tweens with no idea what they’re doing just accidentally managing to make humanity come up with all their mythological stories.

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u/80sKidAtHeart 2d ago

Thanatos is the Gravedigger. Hades is the Funeral Home owner.

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u/Dr_MoRpHed 2d ago

Thanatos is the car. Hades is the rental company.

Thanatos is the sniper. Hades is the mafia boss.

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u/5hand0whand 2d ago

Thanatos is cashier. Hades is manager.

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u/rezzacci 2d ago

Thanatos is the hotel. Hades is Trivago.

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u/FireDestroyer52 2d ago

Thanatos is the worm.

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u/Rasolc 3d ago

I expected someone with Persephone in their name to know that Hades isn't the god of death

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u/PKMNTrainerMark 3d ago

They make Thanatos watch.

I dunno.

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u/LiveTart6130 3d ago

that's gotta be a fanfiction somewhere

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u/Crux_Haloine 2d ago

Probably on r/HadesTheGame

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u/DONT_NOT_PM_NOTHING 2d ago

Hey now, just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it

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u/PLZ_N_THKS 2d ago

Lol Thanatos is basically her stepson…I guess that only strengthens that theory though.

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u/thisaintmyusername12 13h ago

future son-in-law, according to the game

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u/Tail_Nom 2d ago

Religions and mythologies drift naturally, even within cultures that actively subscribe to them. The modern misconception that Hades is/was a death god could be viewed as yet more drift.

One could argue that he wasn't, but is now, at least to some extent.

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u/mtabfto 2d ago

Whoa, that's a really interesting way of looking at it. Like thinking about when you read "Such and Such God, over years and in different areas, began to be written of as XYZ" that's the ancient version of "People read it on the internet and now Hades is known by a lot of people as the god of death." People start and trade and let go of stories and add their little bits to it as they all go along

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u/dudeimconfused 2d ago

You would LOVE American Gods by Neil Gaiman, without spoiling too much, this is the main idea :)

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u/jaggederest 2d ago

Linguistically this falls into the "descriptive" camp, i.e. "this word is often pronounced like X over here, and Y over here". It's considered better form than the somewhat outmoded "prescriptive" camp, which would say something like "the correct pronunciation is X, and a regional variation is Y"

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u/miladymondegreen 2d ago

Hades was the symbolic god of death (as well as Dread Persephone, and sometimes Poseidon, especially deaths at sea), Thanatos was the personification god of death. Like how Apollo was a symbolic god of the sun, and Helios was the personification god. It was very common for Greek gods to have multiple domains, and domains ruled by multiple gods.

Fun fact: ancient Greeks would often call Hades Pluto or Pluton (Wealth Giver) in order to simultaneously venerate him (Hades was also god of gems and metals) and avoid calling his true, "deathly" name, which was considered to be bad luck. This name persisted into the Roman god as well.

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u/boris2r 2d ago

The Greeks never actually regarded Apollo as a sun god, it was only deep into the romanization of the Greek pantheon that he got synchronized with Helios. Same thing for Hades and the completely separate god of wealth Plutus

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u/ActualMis 2d ago

Hades is the god of the dead.

Thanatos is the god of death.

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u/Willyjwade 2d ago

That depends on the time and place in Greece. Sure now that's how it's written but that was not always true there was plenty of time during the worship of the Olympians he would have been considered both.

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u/andergriff 1d ago

yeah like they didn't have definitive scriptures or anything, so much of religion and beliefs at the time was dependent on word of mouth and the like

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u/deleeuwlc 2d ago

It’s not like Persephone had any other known role…

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u/rezzacci 2d ago

Actually, she had. In fact, apparently, she was a much more prominent goddess in the Greek pantheon that Hades ever was. She was older, had more responsibilities and is often represented as more important than her husband in most iconographies.

If you're interested, I wholeheartidly encourage you to watch the Overly Sarcastic Productions video on Persephone. Funny, as always, and informative.

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u/Altbar 2d ago

"PersephoneBoleyn" makes me think the person is just a Broadway fan that loves both the Hadestown and Six musicals, and while a lot of Hadestown fans have researched the myths relevant to the show, their knowledge will not be as precise as an actual Greek mythology enthusiast.

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u/Pristine-Look 2d ago

Thanatos isn't it?

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u/Quality-hour 2d ago

Thanatos is the god/personification of peaceful death. The Keres are spirits of violent death.

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u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago

Of course, depending on so many other different aspects of Greek mythology, depending on time and place.

So many different cults over so many different places and times. There never was a single unified religion with a specific holy book

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u/AllPurposeNerd 2d ago

"Persephone, I am working. Do you see that line."

"Well you've got to get off at some point." *wink*

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u/Ugicywapih 2d ago

Summers are getting longer and winters shorter where I live.

Does that mean global climate change is giving Hades ED?

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u/thelefthandN7 2d ago

Not ED... Blue ballz

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u/Dave-Swort 2d ago

I’m honestly baffled by how internet has universally decided that Hades and Persephone make an amazing, loving, sweet couple despite the fact that Hades literally kidnaps and rapes her leading to Demeter causing famine all over to the point where Zeus had to intermediate and say “fine, Persephone can be your prisoner half the year and free to do her duties the other half, now let me get back to focus on MY kidnappings and rapes please, bye!”

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

I think it's because in other myths they do seem to love each other. What Hades did was horrible, but compared to his others and seeing how the kidnapping was described more like it was more of an arranged marriage (common for the time) and the problem being that it was an unilateral decision by Zeus, I can see how over time, people chose to interpret it that way

And that's not bad, myths change over time and they become what we make of them. Back in ancient, ancient Greece, Poseidon was king of the underworld

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u/DragonTamerTalha 2d ago

my headcannon is that considering there no myths (not that I know of at least) about them after kidnapping.
they were probably a happy couple cherishing theirs time together. I mean Hades is by no means Evil he didnt even come up with the kidnapping plan.

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

There are myths about them afterwards. In fact Persephone appears even in more myths than Hades o think. You have the Minthe myth, the only myth where Hades ever cheats, so people can simply ignore that, where Persephone gets jealous and deals with the mistress herself. Or the myth of Orpheus where his beautiful music moves both Hades and Persephone to give Orpheus's love life a second change. And others

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u/ammarbadhrul 2d ago

Orpheus where his beautiful music moves both Hades and Persephone to give Orpheus’s love life a second chance

Is this the inspiration for that part in The Book Of Life where manolo was granted a second chance at life by two Mayan gods of death? That’s actually awesome if it is.

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u/Plethora_of_squids 2d ago

...I mean the Menthe story seems to imply that they aren't a happy couple

Also there's a big difference between a myth gradually evolving and Tumblr just suddenly deciding something and declaring it the new canon

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u/thelefthandN7 2d ago

I mean... that's kind of exactly how it used to work. A group would get together and reinterpret the story. The spread was just slower because no tumblr or internet. In the old days, you had to make an oil painting and send letters.

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u/Dave-Swort 2d ago

Wait why was my comment removed? What did I say?

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

It wasn't, I think you need to click something on mobile to see the original comment. At least I can see yours

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u/Dave-Swort 2d ago

The reply to your comment too? That’s the one I’m referring to

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

Oh no, I never got that one. Maybe something went wrong. Do you mind repeating it?

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u/Dave-Swort 2d ago

Yeah, the gist of it was that in any other context this would still be unacceptable as the only “redeeming” quality was “oh wow he did it only once and that he married her so it’s ok”

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

Yeah, it still is bad. I guess the gods weren't supposed to be taken seriously as characters, just as ideas, concepts or simply forces of nature and the reason for the screwed up world. If one wants to tell a story with them as characters, adjustments do have to be made by trying to "translate" the original message and morals (in the case of the original, Zeus was portrayed like the only bad guy of the story for marrying off Persephone, his daughter, without the mother's permission), compare it to the rear of the myths in order to make a cohesive narrative (that a lot of myths didn't really have, in this case, other myths show them as a functional and loving couple). Otherwise, the story would just be incestual omnipotent rednecks who commit atrocities on a daily basis. In which case, the lack of political correctness and modern sensibilities aside, it's just not very compelling storytelling and kind of nihilist

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u/Dave-Swort 2d ago

Yeah, myths were just a reflection of the society the were part of, even means to justify cultural norms and traditions, it’s just that they usually don’t age really well and this feels like such a weird exception

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u/Gui_Franco 2d ago

It's because they are the most functional couple and people find that interesting

Honestly my favourite portrayal is the Hades game (that game is so Mythology accurate in almost everything), where the explanation is that Zeus kidnapped Persephone and gave her to Hades as a gift and Hades is just exasperated that his brother tried to wingman him by kidnapping an innocent woman

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u/Terosan 2d ago

Because there are several versions of the myth, some of which it is actually Persephone who wanted to stay and purposefully ate the pomegranate, and most modern reinterpretations focus on those versions, because that makes Hades more unique compared to his brothers that are notoriously famous for raping.

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u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago

And it's worth noting that in most cases Zeus actually got consent. Dubious consent, but consent nontheless by loose standards

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u/Dexyan 2d ago

He didn't even get consent for marriage, he did his magic with a goddess that wanted none of it and then cheats every third day, having more illegitimate children than ones born of marriage, in fact, his wife even made her own child because Zeus cheated so much

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u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago

Nah, Hera and Zeus does legitimately love each other, however not denying it's a very dysfunctional relationship

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u/MyNameIs_Jesus_ 2d ago

Not entirely correct. Zeus did interfere but since she ate food from the underworld she couldn’t leave permanently which is why she could only leave for half the year. Some people point to Minthe as a reason to say that she eventually grew to love him as she got jealous of their affair and turned her into mint. All Greek mythology stories are fucked up to be honest. None of it is real and people enjoy making fanfiction so I don’t really mind if they make stories up about it

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u/SlotHUN 1d ago

Aside from the kidnapping (which was pretty normal back then, how fucked is that?), their relationship was shown to be pretty functional and even wholesome compared to other Greek myths

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u/Dave-Swort 1d ago

That’s a pretty low bar to clear tbf, but I get where you are coming from

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u/l94xxx 2d ago

I'm surprised too. And when people say she ended up wanting to stay, I would expect other redditors to shout, "Stockholm syndrome!"

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u/OnsetOfMSet 2d ago

My Redditor contract legally compels me to shout "Stockholm syndrome" only when the subject matter is Beauty and the Beast. It's actually optional for Hades/Persephone.

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u/l94xxx 2d ago

D'oh! Sorry I'm new here

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u/blueburd 2d ago

Punderworld

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u/thisaintmyusername12 13h ago

it's mostly that all the other greek god couples manage to be much worse

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u/FluffyMittens_ 2d ago

Hades isn't death though, he's just the ruler of the underworld.

Now if death is what you're after, then you're dealing with Thanatos (Peaceful) or Ares (Violent).

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u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago

Well, specifically Ares children. Though in some myths, like that of Sisyphys Thanatos is the personification of all deaths, as shown with Ares being the one that noticed that something was wrong when everyone stopped dying during wars.

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u/BiMikethefirst 2d ago

what

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u/Glass_Memories 2d ago

It's a reference to the ancient Greek story of Hades, Persephone and Demeter that explains why we have winter.

How Hades Got a Goth GF

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u/BiMikethefirst 2d ago

yeah no, the part I'm confused about is Persephone saying bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

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u/Hokenlord 2d ago

Well a screen door is very light so the winds of a hurricane would make it slam shut very hard over and over again while making a banging noise.

Banging is also a term for sex

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u/venusiansailorscout 2d ago

Bang in this case meaning both knocking against something and for having sex.

A screen door in a windy hurricane is going to be being blown about and banging all over the place. Much like Persephone intends to do with Hades: loudly, frequently, and probably with a certain amount of recklessness.

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u/raznov1 2d ago

Bang in this case meaning both knocking against something and for having sex.

Knocking against something and knocking up something

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u/Glass_Memories 2d ago

Yup. Banging the shit out of her uncle...who kidnapped her and forced her into marriage.

Loudly and frequently. Aww yeah.

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u/Privatizitaet 2d ago

Technically her fathet forced her into marriage. Hades asked him for permission, since he's her father, so it's kinda just an arranged marriage. Also some weird stuff with marriage and kidnapping that I don't remember enough about to make a confident statement

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u/Privatizitaet 2d ago

It was still her uncle though, you really can't argue with that.

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u/Comprehensive-Fail41 2d ago

Eh, they're gods. Literally forces of nature and societyacting like people without being people. Famillial relations matters a lot less to such beings

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u/byakko 2d ago edited 2d ago

And Zeus and Hera are siblings, and Zeus banged pretty much everything, banged a woman as a sunbeam, and as a swan. Are we suppose to wring our rosaries because Hades and Persephone are uncle and niece while being divine and part-divine?

Trying to assert IRL morality for any mythology, especially Greek mythology, is hilarious. Especially as something relatively mundane as uncle/niece marriage, which was not uncommon IRL with nobility who pursued it to manipulate inheritance laws or other things to keep properties within their own bloodlines.

For comparison in other mythologies, there's several ethnic tribes in China who proudly declare lineage from dog and a princess. The dog did attain partial human form but started of and is still regarded, as a dog. The other China origin myth had sibling incest ala Zeus and Hera but with Nuwa and her brother. And so on and so forth.

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u/MyNameIs_Jesus_ 2d ago

And her mother and father are siblings. Greek mythology is full of incest

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u/Gandolf794 2d ago

Thanatos is the god of death. Hades is the god of the dead. Stop it.

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u/ETHERBOT 2d ago

its september hope youre ready to bang like a screen door in a hurricane who?

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u/thelefthandN7 2d ago

Truly the most 'dad' of answers!

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u/HeroBrine0907 2d ago

The God of Death, dammit, not the Dead!

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u/Asriel-the-Jolteon 2d ago

BAH DEE YAH

say do you remember

B A H D E E Y A H

fucking in september

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u/noclownpornforyou 2d ago

Hades is the God of the Dead. Thanatos is the God of Death

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u/DJPL-75 2d ago

I don't wanna be that guy, but Hades isn't the god of death. That's Thanatos

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u/Caesarin0 2d ago

Thanatos in the corner wondering why people always forget him

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u/Ziarna 2d ago

There are to many people that are forgetting that Persephone is Hades niece. Classic greek mythology

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u/PrintersStreet 2d ago

Blood and darkness!

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/choppytehbear1337 2d ago

Thanatos in the God of Death, not Hades.

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u/tdoottdoot 2d ago

“You’re early.” “I missed ya.”